1. I was not prepared for the overwhelming feeling I keep getting when Kyle is doing something that he usually does (taking out the trash, filling my gas tank, taking care of the pets etc). This is a feeling of extreme gratitude mixed with fear. I am so grateful for all the wonderful things my husband does for me, but I am afraid of not doing things as well as he does when he isn't here. Will Eli be okay when his best friend is gone? Will the "stupid cat" throw up a lot when Kyle is gone? How am I going to take care of everything when he's gone?
Luckily, I have a wonderful support system of people volunteering to help when it's needed. (Especially Noah, who is charging me a whole $5 a week to walk Eli in the afternoons, take the trash out and pump my gas!) Who wouldn't take an 11 year old up on that offer?!? He has also offered to mow the yard when needed, change the cat litter box and clean out my car. I thought the litter box and cleaning my car I can handle, either that or Kyle is going to come home to two disastrously mess cars!
2. I was not prepared for this feeling of excitement. To some people this may sound weird that I am excited for my husband to deploy, so let me iterate this; I am in no way shape or form wanting this. I am excited for my husband to go out and see parts of the world that I will probably never go, to support our country and other people while he does a job that he enjoys. I am also excited to see how each of us grows individually while we are separated. I have many things planned to keep me busy while Kyle is gone and I know that he has plans for things he wants to work on while he is gone.
3. I was not prepared for the amount of people who just listen to me rant. We all know I can talk ALOT, but my mind is going ten times faster than normal lately. I tend to just speak what is going through my mind. I have three friends who I seem to be doing this too a lot lately, and they have all been so supportive. None of them have told me they are tired of listening to me talk about it which has been awesome because I feel so much better when I get it out. My poor boss gets to listen to me everyday on her lunch break just chit chatting away. (I wouldn't blame her if she tunes me out 3/4th the time). My friend Christina who is at Dragon Boat practice with me talks as much as I do so you get us two going and it's the world's longest chat fest. Last but not least is my friend Lori, she gets all the emotions. She is my neighbor and close friend and to say she hears a lot is an understatement!
4. I was not prepared for the lack of fear. I can 100% say I am not afraid. One thing I have learned from living in Okinawa is that God has complete control, in my life. I know that He will take care of Kyle and I forever. We will experience storms and trials but through it all He will be there supporting us. I know that God is going to take care of my husband as is His will. I am not afraid of Kyle's safety, his job, or the fact I won't be able to talk to my best friend all the time. I feel nervous about being lonely when Kyle is gone, but I am not afraid.
5. Lastly, I was not prepared for the support! Man are their a lot of groups that support you when your spouse is leaving soon. We have the Family Center, the USO, the Squadron, our Church, our Bible Study Group, and our friends. When you board a plane and travel to the other side of the world with you new husband and a few suitcases while the rest of your stuff is floating on a boat somewhere between here and there, there is this feeling of loneliness. What if no one likes me? What if I don't fit in with the women at Church? What if I can't find a job? What if I am stuck sitting at home all day with a hundred cats because I have no friends? (Okay maybe that last one didn't go through my head). Here we are over a year into our tour in Okinawa, and man is there some amazing support! If you can't find friends or hate this place then you need to look around. I can honestly say this place has become home and my friends are as important to me as my family back home. The lines between friends and family blur when you are overseas with no family. To know that all these people are standing behind you is an awesome feeling!
Thanks for listening to me rant out all my feelings!
Amber
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